See the sun
by Hgirl
Summary: Looking into her eyes, Horatio saw himself in them. The redness under his eyes was distinguishable. After "Money for Nothing" HC friendship, Horatio tells Calleigh about his feelings for Yelina. WIP- short update on Ch2.
1. Awakening

Disclaimer: Character's aren't mine. Song isn't mine either. Don't sue.

Summary: H/C friendship. Horatio tells Calleigh about his feelings for Yelina.

Spoilers: After "Money For Nothing"

A/N: I love "see the sun" by Dido and this fic came as I was listening to it. Hope you guys enjoy!

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See the sun

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Chapter 1: Awakening

_I'm coming round to open the blinds you can't hide here any longer / my god you need to rinse those puffy eyes / you can't lie still any longer / and yes they'll ask you where you've been / and you'll have to tell them, again and again_

Calleigh nudged him. "Horatio," she whispered trying to wake him up gently.

He grumbled in his sleep and she didn't have the heart to push him. He'd had a rough night and it didn't matter if morning had already arrived because he was finally getting some rest. Still, he had to get up sometime and she wanted to help him. She slowly walked to her living room window. She pulled and tied back the drapes that flew with the soft breeze, taking in the ocean view. The sun shone brighter on Horatio's face and his features tensed.

"I'm sorry," she said for her ears only to hear.

Squinting, Horatio's eyes fluttered open and the first thing he saw was a small frame, standing before him, blocking the light.

She felt sorry for having woken him up like that. Why did she need to disturb his peaceful slumber?

Blinking, he focused on her and the sun shining from behind her made her look angelic. For an instant, he thought he had died and gone to heaven, but the taste of Irish whiskey in the back of his mouth and the moist handkerchief clasped in his hand told a different story - one of cruel reality.

He shifted, sliding his legs off the couch and sat up, pushing aside the pale blue quilt. He reached for his forehead than lowered his touch to his temple. Trying to rub his headache away, he looked down at his wrinkled clothing. He was still wearing his work clothes. What day is it, he wondered. Friday's clothes... he digested the information...must be Saturday. He tried to speak, but his voice was hoarse. He attempted to clear his throat, then looked up at the window at his left, seeking aid from the presence he'd seen before. But, she was gone.

As he turned his body in search of her, she arrived offering him a glass of water. He avidly took the drink and finished it in a few big gulps. Clearing his throat once more - his voice was raspy, but at least he could speak - he said, "Thank you."

"Are you okay?" she asked tentatively, taking a seat next to him.

Looking into her eyes, Horatio saw himself in them. The redness under his eyes was distinguishable. What happened? What am I doing here, he wondered.

"I'm ah... I'm not sure-" he trailed off.

"You had a lot to drink last night... if you want I can get you some aspirin for-" Horatio's cell phone trilled, interrupting Calleigh in mid sentence. He furrowed his brow, trying to think back and retrace where his suit jacket had gone and stood - perhaps too quickly - to make his way towards the sound. As he lost balance a bit, Calleigh rose, caught his arm and steadied him.

"Horatio let me get it." Calleigh said gently wanting to help. She rushed over to the kitchen table where Horatio's suit jacket was hung over the back of a chair.

She retrieved the buzzing device from the breast pocket and answered, unsure if the caller was still on the other end of the line, "Hello?"

She tried again, "Hello?" The line went dead and she didn't have time to ask who was calling. The number was unknown to her, but the name was one from Horatio's contacts list. She recognized the Spanish nickname and snapped the cell phone shut, walking back to the couch where Horatio was hunkered holding his head in his hands.

Calleigh didn't have to say a word. Horatio told her in a few words, "I know who that was... I remember."

Truth was, he didn't want to remember and, as he recalled yesterday's events, he knew why he dove into alcohol to dull the pain. A reaction swept through Horatio, immediately replaced by the numbing calm that allowed him to keep his feelings bottled up, no matter what his emotions wanted him to do.

Past events resounded in his mind...

Horatio saw in how much pain she was, how direct she was being considering her feelings.

"It's funny what people will do and think we'll never figure it out." She was trying to read in his reaction. "I know who that girl is, Horatio - and her daughter."

"You mean Madison."

"That's a pretty name. Did you think I wouldn't notice the resemblance?"

He was trying to deal with the fact that she knew, the fact that he was trying to figure out a way to tell her.

"Yeah, well, I've been looking for a way to tell you-" She cut him off: "You don't mean that. You got involved with an informant. Hey, these things happen."

"Well, Yelina, that's… that's not exactly what happened."

"Okay now, she started as a parolee. You offered her help and she took it."

"It's a little more complicated than that."

"I guess. So, let me make this simple, yeah? It's okay - You can bring them around." –-

Horatio closed his eyes, holding back tears that were threatening to escape the sides of his eyes. The case had gotten close to him as well. He identified with Paul and his relationship with his deceitful sister. All of his life, Horatio had kept an eye out for his little brother, and somewhere along the way, Raymond had become somebody else... neglecting his family for weeks at a time to crank for his 'undercover job', leading an unfaithful life by sleeping with another woman than his wife. Horatio silently repeated the words he'd told the brother "you can watch over people, but you can't make choices for them."

The scene came back to mind, unstoppable like the ticking of his watch…

"There's a true victim... just lost his friend, threw away his life and for whom?" Yelina asked.

"For his family."

She was thinking about what he was doing for Madison and Susie, but he was thinking about what he was doing for her and Ray. Horatio would go out of his way to protect her.

"Your friend found an apartment?" Yelina questioned.

"Yeah, they found a place and it's, it's in a safe area too."

"Yeah. Good."

"Umm, can I walk you out?"

"I don't think so." Horatio was broken. He knew how hurt she was. He swallowed hard wondering how she would react if she knew it was Ray.

"I think, ah, I'm okay." She walked away from him and he had the urge to catch her to tell her the truth, but he couldn't do that, he wouldn't allow himself to do that. –-

_And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day / but I promise you you'll see the sun again / and you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness / and I promise you you'll see the sun again_

Horatio hadn't realized that she was holding him. Had he fallen asleep again, tired from a horrendous sleep-deprived night of drinking? All he knew was that his head was held by delicate hands that stroked his hair. He studied his position and hers. He was lying on the couch, legs slightly bent and his cheek was resting against soft material. He finally looked up, the dizziness had stopped, and met a pair of gorgeous green eyes. He knew those eyes. They were Calleigh's.

"She knows you're here." She thought for a second, "Or, at least, knows you're with me."

Horatio's gaze slinked to his hands resting flat on his stomach and silence filled Calleigh's condo once again.

Horatio felt torn once again in his sad life, as he called it.

Like any woman, Yelina had rejected the cause of her misery and Horatio refused to tell her that Madison was not his, but Raymond's.

He was that kind of a man. He'd rather take the blow himself. Even if the blow ruined, if not, was ruining his relationship with Yelina. As soon as he saw the pain he caused her, he felt guilty and found the bar. He'd been meaning to tell her and now even the lesser truth was tearing her up inside.

Jealousy, embarrassment, hurt, shame were transcending through her being.

In a way, she was bitterly happy for him; the perfect little family she once had, was his.

She felt betrayed.

Madison. What a pretty name she'd told him as a compliment. She wondered if he'd picked it out with Suzie.

Horatio found himself in a delicate situation; he wanted to care for his nephew as well as his niece. No. He repeated in his head. No. He wasn't going to deny anything for the sole purpose  
of making himself feel better. Unfortunately, she seriously thought it was his secret, the secret he kept from her. And, it was that secret that made it impossible for them to be together –-

"Horatio, listen to me..."

Horatio blinked, coming out of his thoughts.

"Everything will work out. Tomorrow's another day." Calleigh's voice was soft, reassuring.

Horatio's forehead tightened, eyebrows raised over the bridge of his nose in sorrow.

He hadn't moved, comforted like a child against Calleigh. The beating of her heart was enough to move him to tears. He had completely surrendered to her care.

As he looked up again, eyes locking with hers, he was taken over by the urge to take her in his arms. After all she had been through with her father and now she was going through it with him; picking up the pieces after a night of heavy drinking. She certainly didn't deserve more problems.

Calleigh held her breath. Seeing him sad like this was incredibly difficult. She was a person who, even through the roughest times, stayed cheerful. It broke her heart to see a dear friend hold down so much pain. She'd brought him home from the bar after he'd drowned his sorrows and, now, as the sunlight grew stronger, the numbness was wearing off, drying under the sun.

_Come on take my hand / we're going for a walk / I know you can you can wear anything, as long as it's not black / please don't mourn forever, she's not coming back..._

She slowly shifted Horatio's weight away from her body to get up. Horatio was left to lie back on the couch, basking in the warmth of the place where Calleigh had previously been.

She veered and presented him with her hand palm up, "Let's go take a walk."

He shook his head, refusing to take her hand.

Adorably tipping her head to gaze directly into his eyes, she willed him to sit upright, which he did.

"Fresh air will do you some good and you'll feel better," she went and fetched his suit jacket, noting that the dark color unfortunately matched his mood.

Just then, Horatio's cell phone rang.

Calleigh, who had placed it on the coffee table nearby, walked over and picked it up, placing it in his hands. Horatio didn't move, simply watched it, listening to it ring.

They both knew it was her.

He answered and, by the equanimity she caught sight of in his facial expression, Calleigh was relieved.  
She muddled through the timbre of his voice getting lower and left the room, giving him privacy - unsure if he wanted her to leave or not, she did anyway.

A few minutes passed and she returned. Seeing the conversation had ended, she walked over to the couch and sat beside him. He was looking ahead, staring into space. She glanced at his face and saw the way he was trying to deal with everything. She'd seen him do that often; bring his lower jaw forward, biting his lower lip, fighting off sorrow and pain - maybe even anger.  
She didn't like seeing him like that and she wished she could tell him to forget about Yelina because if she had walked away from him, she certainly wasn't the woman for him. Calleigh summoned her courage and asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about." It came out more direct than intended.

He shook his head, considering the pat answer, deciding he was wrong and wanting to share something.

He dove into a confidence, "Yelina will never know that Madison is Ray's, she'll never understand how much I care for her, she'll never know how much it hurt when she walked away."

Calleigh's face became one of melancholy.

"There's no object," he continued shaking his head, "nothing that can add up to this desire," he looked up at the ceiling, trying to avoid the tears from streaking down his face, "this wanting that I wish the most in the world, except one person," his head fell forward, eyes finding the floor, "just one, who can make that dream come true... a woman, so charming, so seductive, so amazing, so moving, so simple and natural, and that person has just told me that she's putting in for a transfer to not be on the same cases as I am and that I can only come visit to see Ray junior - because **she'd** never do anything to hurt **her** family..." he broke off.

He took a deep breath and continued voice quavering, "I love her so much."

Calleigh started hyperventilating from the emotions coursing through her. She had no idea how much he loved this woman and it moved her to tears.

His head hung low, he nodded, "Calleigh-"his teary eyes made it impossible for him to identify her own tears as tears of sympathy. "I'm so sorry for pouring all of this on you."

"Horatio-" she threw her arms around him and whispered, "No, it's okay. I'm glad you shared your feelings with me." The embrace got tighter and she said soothingly: "I'm sure everything's gonna be okay."

Retreating, she grabbed a few tissues from the box on her living room table to wipe away his tears like she did herself on lonely nights. After trailing over the rim of his eyes and drying the streaks tears had left, she proceeded to wipe her own.

"You won't lose her, you can't." She sniffled.

"I've already lost her."

"She's just upset. In the meantime, you have me... and the team. We're all here for you."

"Thank you." He answered sincerely. "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Well, for one thing, you'd still be at the bar."

"Yeah." A tiny smile played on his face and she blessed the small victory.

TBC…


	2. Discovering the truth

Chapter 2

Do you remember telling me you'd found the sweetest thing of all, you said one day of this is worth dying for

Head hung, hands loosely clasped he listened intently to her words, "I remember you told me once that your wish came true, that you were in love again for the third time in your life, after your first high school girlfriend, your first wife... you said that you'd give everything and anything for one day of being able to not fear that love. Do you remember?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Tell her that."  
  
"She said she didn't want to see me."  
  
"And you believed her?" Calleigh asked.  
  
Jaw clenched, his head swiveled as the realization dawned on him.  
  
"Horatio-"Calleigh placed a hand on his knee, "You don't have to tell her everything, but tell her how you feel, and if that's not enough to bring her back than I don't know what is-"  
  
He shook his head, rising and walking towards the patio door. He stood there, watching the waves crash to the shore. Calleigh rose and stood along side him. "I know what you're scared of, but you have to decide what you want your life to be- how you want to live it."  
  
"You're right. I have to go find her."  
  
She gave him one of her loveliest smiles.  
  
He placed a kiss on her forehead and told her, "You're an angel."  
  
She laughed gently, "I know."  
  
He left determined to tell Yelina and hoping everything would be okay.

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day but I promise you you'll see the sun again and you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness and I promise you you'll see the sun again

The overcast sky was esthetically matching Horatio's unsure thoughts. He stood before her door. This wasn't going to be easy.  
  
He knocked a few times and waited quite impatiently, yet, at the same time, resisting the urge to leave before it was too late to turn back.  
  
It was already too late as the woman he dreamed of stood in the doorway. He couldn't tell if she was angry or disappointed with him for not respecting her wishes to leave her alone. One thing for sure, she'd been crying and that tore him up inside.  
  
Trying to avoid the obvious oncoming question of what the hell are you doing here, Horatio took the initiative and asked: "Is Ray Jr. around?"  
  
She shook her head, "He's at my sister's." After a brief pause she explained, "I didn't want him to see me like this."  
  
He knew what that meant. Her son had witnessed his mother's sadness too many times.  
  
"Why?" she asked desolate.  
  
"There's something I need to tell you and, well, ah, it's not easy."  
  
"I'm not sure I want to hear this," she told him, dropping her gaze to the porch.  
  
He had a feeling she wanted to shut the door on him, but he pushed himself because it was important for her to know.  
  
"I really wish you would."  
  
"Okay," she crossed her arms, shielding her heart, prepared to take on an attack.  
  
"If I, ah, put everything aside, everything about my life except my feelings for you, it um, it couldn't be clearer to me how I feel. I wish I could ask you to do the same, but I just want you to hear me out-"  
  
Arms tight around her chest, she, nonetheless, listened to his words.  
  
"Yelina, I honestly have never loved a woman as much as I do you. I wish you could feel how fast my heart is beating right now, because no matter what happens," his gaze went south, hand on his heart, "this is real and, it's for you and it always will be."  
  
As crystal trails slid down her cheeks she said softly, out of breath, "Hold me."  
  
Horatio stepped forward and took her in his arms.  
  
"Hold me," she repeated more desperately and he tightened his grasp. What had happened no longer mattered- what mattered was that he was here now, willing to do anything to make her happy.  
  
"You said it was more complicated than Suzie and you- what did you mean by that?"  
  
"Please Yelina, I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."  
  
"If you won't tell me then I'll ask Suzie."  
  
"I'm not going to stop you from doing that, but I think it would be best if you left it as is."  
  
"I want to know, Horatio. I feel like I've been kept in the dark all this time..."  
  
He decided to do one of the hardest things he ever had to do. "I'm going with you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I won't interfere in any way, I just think I should be there."  
  
"Alright." She went back inside to get her keys and came back out. She stepped down from the porch after locking her door saying, "Let's take my car."  
  
Horatio didn't argue. She wanted to have her way and he was okay with that.  
  
She didn't understand why he made it clear that he was coming, because he'd just refused to tell her anything.

On the second knock, Suzie's voice was heard from behind the door of her new condo (rented with the help of Horatio), "Yeah, who is it?"

Yelina met Horatio's eyes and took a step left so as to not let Suzie see her right away.

"It's me," Horatio replied and Suzie unlocked the door, taking the bolt off even before he had time to finish his sentence. "Horatio and... Yelina."

Suzie froze in the doorway. Yelina caught sight of the eagerness the blonde woman had to plow the door open when she identified Horatio and, now, as she saw the other woman, Suzie gave Horatio a look as if to say 'you could have warned me'.

Susie remembered the beautiful Colombian. Ray's widow.

Horatio removed his sunglasses- eyes just roaming over Suzie on their way to focus on his hands holding his shades.

"May we come in?" he asked gently.

"Sure," she replied, trying to do so gracefully. She didn't mind letting Horatio inside, but Ray's widow was not welcomed. She knew this meant trouble.

Having stepped aside, Suzie closed the door behind the couple and ushered them to her living room.

Horatio took an armchair while Yelina sat on the couch and Suzie stayed standing.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Suzie offered.

Horatio looked over at Yelina and said, "Um. No. Thank you."

He knew from what he saw in Yelina's eyes that she was going to get Suzie to tell her what Horatio had been keeping from her. Trying to limit the damage, he asked, "Suzie, is Madison around?"

"No," Suzie smiled gently, "She's at a friend's house."

Yelina saw how Suzie could have fallen for him; saw the love in her eyes. Yelina diverted her eyes to the photographs of Madison on the living room table and said, "That's a shame... I'm sure she would have liked to see her father..."

Yelina sent a poison arrow to both Horatio and Suzie, unaware of the repercussions of igniting a fire would have.

Suzie's gaze locked on Horatio and he shook his head at her. Suzie understood immediately what this was about and, even though she knew Horatio didn't want Yelina to know, she felt she needed to stand up for this honorable man.

"Madison isn't Horatio's," Suzie explained.

Horatio wanted to interrupt, but he'd promised Yelina he wouldn't.

"He didn't deny it because he wanted to protect you," Suzie continued, "Madison is Ray's."

The embarrassment flushed Yelina's cheeks. Everyone knew except her. She felt so stupid. She'd been so mean with both of them when she should have been mad at herself.

"I'm so stupid," she muttered.

"No, you're not," Horatio tried to comfort her. "It's not your fault." But she thought it was. She had driven her husband away, probably unconsciously because she was in love with Horatio. She hadn't been a good wife and her husband had seeked love elsewhere.

A/N: I'm trying to get some more written. Sorry for the wait, guys. My muse had left me stranded for months on this one... I'll update whenever I get more done. Again, my apologies. You guys are terrific! Thanks for the reviews!! Hgirl


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